Why men cheat: 5 common reasons explained by a marriage counsellor
Gerrie Pretorius who has 15 years experience as a marriage counsellor shares five common reasons men cheat.
When two people get married, they vow to be faithful to each other, but not all marriages end in happily ever after. Sadly, many couples will find themselves dealing with the issue of infidelity at some point in their relationship.
Statistics show that around 57% of men have cheated on their spouses. The Quest Investigations Group reports that between 50% and 60% of married men in South Africa have cheated at some point in their relationships.
This is particularly interesting in a country like South Africa, where conversations around relationships, marriage and even polygamy continue to make headlines.
So, why do men cheat?
Marriage counsellor and founder of Life Counsel, Gerrie Pretorius says interestingly men who cheat do not necessarily believe they have stopped loving their wives.
“Often you would hear men saying, ‘But I still love my wife'. 'That woman there is a side, you know'. 'She doesn’t really mean anything to me',” says Pretorius.
“They’ll say, ‘It’s just a fling, but I love my wife'.”
But while a man may view an affair as something separate from his marriage, Pretorius says there are several factors that can contribute to infidelity.
Lust
Pretorius says one of the most common reasons is simply lust.
“It’s a lust thing," he says.
However, he says the situation can become more complicated because sex outside of a relationship can also lead to emotional attachment.
Pretorious says the reality is that when you engage in a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse, "there’s always a connection. Some form an emotional connection, or perhaps start liking the person".
Substance use
Substance abuse, particularly alcohol or drugs, can also contribute to situations where people are more likely to cross boundaries.
He gives the example of people who work in environments where drinking and entertaining clients are part of their jobs.
Pretorius says these environments make it easier for people to make decisions they may not otherwise make if they are sober.
Close relationships with colleagues of the opposite sex
Another factor Pretorius points to is spending excessive time at work, particularly when that involves developing close relationships with colleagues of the opposite sex.
“If you’re always at work... you’re spending [more] time with a PA or with female colleagues, when you’re supposed to be at home,” he says.
Pretorius says that when someone invests more time in their work and colleagues than in their partner, emotional boundaries can easily blur.
Pornography
Pretorius highlights pornography as another potential trigger, saying that it often leads to using online chat or dating platforms.
Ego
A man’s ego can also play a role in infidelity, says Pretorius, particularly when he struggles with having an independent partner who is doing well for herself.
He says some men want to feel that they are leading in the relationship, and when they do not view marriage as a partnership, tensions can develop.
According to Pretorius, a woman who is financially independent, successful or taking the lead in certain areas can sometimes trigger feelings of insecurity or a bruised ego in a man who believes he should always be the one in charge.
He says this can become problematic when a man does not see his partner’s independence as a strength of the relationship, but instead feels threatened by it.
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