If he says this on the first date... run
From talking about their 'crazy ex' to being rude to servers, these are the first date red flags that send women running for the hills.
If you were doomscrolling on social media recently, you might have come across a post warning women to avoid a man who says certain things on the first date.
The post claimed that a retired FBI profiler shared three things a man says that would make her leave before dessert:
- "You're not like other girls."
- "I feel like I've known you forever."
- "Nobody gets me like you do."
However, some social media users pointed out that the post is fake, along with the "retired FBI profiler".
Saying these things doesn't necessarily mean your date is a weirdo or a potential psychopath, and can actually be real terms of endearment.
Many people agreed, but some indicated that hearing those sentences from a man on a first date would freak them out.
He could come across as trying too hard, especially if the chemistry is not there.
"As a wise old crone, I can say that if you are on a first date, and someone is saying all of these to you, then I'd definitely see a red flag," one woman said.
"Not necessarily because someone is a 'psychopath' for doing it, but because the act of lovebombing can be a prelude to danger."
Another woman commented: "I agree with you, although if someone said to me: 'You’re not like other girls,' I’d walk. It’s very misogynistic because what’s wrong with other girls? It’s really not a compliment."
We did some digging, and here are some of the main things that put social media users off on a first date.
Red flags on a first date
You are pretty for a big girl
This backhanded compliment says a lot about your date. For one, looks are very important to him, and he doesn't typically find big girls attractive. Any weight you gain during the course of your relationship will create problems.
If it is a once-off bad comment you choose to ignore, be careful about your answer. Laughing at the comment could give him the idea that it is okay to be disrespectful about your appearance.
Let me tell you about my crazy ex
Bringing up an ex on the first day it not a good sign. It shows that his ex is either still on his mind, or he hates her so much he will constantly bring her up, and possibly even compare everything you do to her.
If he blabs on and on about how crazy his ex was, it shows that he is a little too comfortable disrespecting women. Talking about an ex isn't entirely off limits on a first date, especially if asked.
A brief mention about when your last relationship ended, is also fine. It depends on the conversation, and why your date is bringing it up.
However, saying, 'I hope you're not crazy like me ex,' usually doesn't lead to a longlasting relationship.
I've cheated before but...
Honesty is the best policy, but admitting to being a serial cheater isn't exactly a great way to start a first date.
The fact that he cheated on his previous girlfriend won't bring you much comfort, because relationships are built on trust.
Some men use it as a tactic to let you low-key know that they have a wandering eye, so don't be surprised if he is caught with his pants down. He could also be trying to normalise his cheating behaviour.
If it is mentioned, ask follow-up questions to determine whether he is just normalising bad behaviour or taking accountability.
Some people genuinely regret cheating, but they usually take ownership of it and express what they learned.
If he tries to brush it off as "no big deal" or "it happens" then that is a major red flag.
Let's just say it's bigger than my dads
Talking about one's manhood on the first date is a sign that he might be more interested in a sexual connection rather than an emotional one.
That or he has seriously bad social skills. Tell him you're uncomfortable talking about that on the first day, if he apologises and moves on, all hope is not lost.
However, if he completely disregards your comfort on the matter and keeps bring it up... run.
Green flags on a first date
According to Reddit users, doing or saying these things on the first date is a major green flag.
- Opening your car door or restaurant door when you enter or exit.
- Being kind to servers by speaking politely and saying please/thank you.
- Splitting the bill or paying it entirely.
- Not asking you to go over to his house after the date.
- He is a good listener and genuinely seems interested in getting to know you.
- Not being too touchy-feely or demanding a kiss at the end of the date.
- He speaks honestly about whether he is looking for a short-term or long-term relationship.
- Not taking themselves too seriously and laughing off awkward moments.
- Talking fondly about friends and family.
- You feel like you can just be yourself around them.
Disclaimer: This story is no a substitute for professional relationship advice. These are general dating behaviours, and should not be used to stereotype all men.
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