Strangers: The book women are rushing to get their hands on
Her husband of 20 years told her he wanted a divorce, then asked her to make him a sandwich. Belle Burden shares her "gripping and heartbreaking" story.
'Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage' has been described as a must-read for women, whether they are single, dating, married or divorced.
Women around the world are talking about Belle Burden's book, released earlier this year, with some saying it is a "tragic and yet unfortunately frequent story".
In 2020, Burden, her husband and their three children were settling into their summer home on Martha’s Vineyard, shortly after the COVID-19 pandemic began, when her life was turned upside down.
One minute her husband is chopping wood and making her cocktails, and then things changed.
Her husband, whom she refers to as James*, turned into a stranger after announcing, with no prior warning, that he is unhappy and wants a divorce.
He packed a tote bag, told her she could have full custody of their children, then walked out the door.
What women are saying after hearing her story:
- "A little over a year ago, a woman knocked on my door, told me she had been sleeping with my husband of 30 years in our home she described my whole house to me. I was devastated."
- "Same happened to me but it was after 30 years, 7 kids, a full military career where I was doing backbreaking labor moving over and over and never being settled enough to earn my own money. He left me with no explanation."
- "Such a tragic and yet unfortunately frequent story. I’ve never understood how so many men can walk away from their entire life — wives, kids, friends, family — seemingly in a heartbeat and out of the blue. Are we just in denial? Do we just choose to ignore all the signs? Or are they impeccable actors?"
- "The book is excellent. Divorced in 2020 to a Walmart corporate executive at the age of 50. I’m a psychotherapists now and own two businesses after being a SAHM for 20 years."
- "I got a call from ‘the other woman’ whilst I was feeding my baby and toddler their lunch. It was my husband’s birthday and I was preparing a big family dinner (his family). What a day that was!"
- "My ex-husband left me with 2 dying parents, 3 dogs, a newborn, and a mortgage and all our bills right after I had my son."
Burden sat down for an interview on 'The Oprah Podcast'. Here are some of the jaw-dropping moments from the interview.
The call that changed everything
Their picture-perfect family life was rocked by one call.
"We had just finished dinner, I was cleaning up, I was actually mopping the floor, and I got a call on my cellphone. I don't recognise the number, so I let it go to voicemail," Burden recalls.
"And then I played the message, and it's a man's voice. He sounds nervous, and he says, 'I'm trying to reach Belle. I'm sorry to tell you this, but your husband is having an affair with my wife.' My first thought is, this can't be true. It must be a mistake. It's a wrong number."
Burden was convinced her husband would be able to explain the call because they were very "happily married". He confirmed her worst nightmare - he had been having an affair.
James told her that the affair did not mean anything and had only been happening for a couple of weeks. He assured her that he loved her and their family.
However, by the next morning, he shared devastating news: he was leaving.
"His eyes were very icy, and he said to me, 'I've decided I want a divorce. I thought I was happy, but I'm not. And I am going to leave right now. And he did. He walked out of our house. He got in his Jeeo. He got on a ferry, and he left the island."
The Sandwich
A month after her husband left, Burden told him they needed to tell their children what was happening. Initially, he did not want to return to their home in Martha's Vineyard, saying she should break the news to them.
They also considered a Zoom call due to the pandemic, but they eventually decided that he would tell them in person.
"My first thought when I saw him coming up our walkway was that he seemed really happy. He seemed elated, which was so incongruous to the wreckage that he left with me."
During the chat, James made an unbelievable request - he asked the woman he walked out on to make him a sandwich.
"He looked at me and said, 'I'm starving. Can you make me a sandwich?'" She decided to be the bigger person and made him the sandwich.
"I went into the kitchen, and I made the sandwich, and as I'm making it, I think I am going to make the best sandwich ever. I will not make a terrible sandwich. I want him to leave thinking, how could I leave this woman who makes such a great sandwich?"
Why women need to take control of their finances
One of the biggest takeaways women got from the book is to always take control of their finances, especially if they are stay-at-home moms.
Burden says that while her husband was building his career and increasing his wealth, she was a former corporate lawyer turned stay-at-home mom, depleting all her funds.
He handled all the finances, and she depended on him to tell her what to do. "If my book does one thing, if it makes women pay more attention to their finances and what's going on in their marriage financially, I will be so happy."
Burden's book is already sparking change for many women.
"I am married for 25 years. It opened my eyes to the conversation around one person having control of all the finances. I asked my husband if we could meet with our estate planner and go over everything again since it's been a while," a woman wrote on Instagram.
Even women in happy marriages are inspired by her story, noting that they, too, will be more conscious about their finances.
Many also praised her for having the courage to tell her story. As one woman put it: "She took her lemons and made lemonade!"
'Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage' will be adapted into a Netflix movie starring Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow.
Watch Burden's full interview with Oprah on YouTube below.
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Image credit: Instagram/@belleburden