Expert warns viral relationship test could 'do more harm than good'
Viral dating trends might seem like fun, but be careful how you use them.
Another new relationship-related theory is making the rounds on TikTok.
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TikTok has become one of the top sources for information, advice and hacks, but some of it needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.
One popular topic that regularly makes waves on social media is relationship and dating advice.
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We've heard about the 'Orange Peel Theory' and other relationship assessments, and there's a new relationship test in town.
Creators have been sharing how they use the 'bird theory' on their partners to see how into them they really are.
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One thing that might cause you some anxiety in a relationship, especially a new one, is not knowing whether you love your partner more than they love you.
Do they feel the same? Are they as crazy about me as I am about them?
According to TikTok, there is a simple way you can test the water by using 'bird theory'.
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How you use 'bird theory': you show your partner a bird or tell a story about a bird, and see how interested they are.
Here are some examples below:
@deonnalpurrazzo Is this Steve’s first red flag???? #husbandwife #husbandwifecomedy #birdtheory ♬ original sound - Deonna Purrazzo
@shariscamollentze2 10 uit 10 husband💪😁😍Hierdie Bird theory darem🤣😅
♬ original sound - Sharisca Mollentze
@noahandlori I wasn’t ready for that & now we’re going on a bird watching walk 😀 #couple #marriedlife #couplecomedy #noahandlori #birdtheory ♬ original sound - Noah and Lori
If your partner shows genuine interest or curiosity, they pass the test, but they fail if they are dismissive or uninterested.
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This test draws on the Gottman Institute’s concept of 'bids for connection', suggesting that how a partner responds to small moments of engagement is an indication of the relationship's stability.
But should you be judging your relationship and building a foundation based on TikTok tests?
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Lorraine Adams is a dating expert with 25 years of experience and the founder of Gorgeous Networks.
Adams suggests that placing too much importance on the results of the bird theory test can be particularly detrimental to long-term relationships, and it's fine to fail the test.
If your partner does fail the test, Adams says, communicating effectively is more important for any relationship.
If you’re in a really good relationship and you just communicate, and you can say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not present at the moment. I’ve got so much going on. I didn’t actually hear what you were just talking about’, then it’s fine.
The dating expert also highlights that these trends tend to create paranoia and make a much bigger deal out of very normal things.
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People are hyper-analysing everything instead of focusing on communication, jumping to conclusions after watching a TikTok or Instagram video and not paying attention on what is happening in their own relationship.
The problem with social media is that it’s kind of given people a platform to almost diagnose or label everything. So, you know, if somebody doesn’t text back quickly enough, it’s breadcrumbing. If somebody seems a bit off one day, they’re gaslighting you. If somebody has a bad day or they don’t show affection in the way you expect, suddenly it’s a red flag.
Are any of these trends actually useful?
Although it is not best practice for long-term relationships, Adams suggests that it might be a good tool for younger people in new relationships who want to gauge their partner's attentiveness.
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If you share something small with your partner and they engage with it, that's a sign of connection. Being heard and seen in a relationship is very important, and it's nice when couples take notice of the little things.
If it’s used in a light-hearted way, as a bit of a check-in to say, ‘Are we really listening to each other?’ then that’s a good thing. It only becomes a problem when people start using it as a test, or a reason to overthink.
Your partner may not always respond in the way you want them to.
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People get distracted and busy. They deal with everyday life and sometimes even with things you are unaware of.
These reasons don't automatically indicate a broken relationship.
Channel energy into appreciating the small moments, not weaponising them.
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