Five tips for making friends as an adult
Building meaningful relationships in your later years isn’t always easy.
Rozanne McKenzie is heading to Rob Forbes’s wedding soon.
She’s super excited, but also a little anxious.
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Her husband will no longer be accompanying her to the wedding and she’s not sure that she’ll know any of the other guests.
Without a partner to turn to, the idea of meeting new people can be stressful.
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This sparked a conversation around adult friendships.
Why is it more challenging to make new friends when you’re older and how do you even approach the situation?
Is it really any different to making friends when you’re younger?
Meeting people in social settings changes as you get older.
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There’s no more hanging out with random people at the club or connecting with the person sitting next to you in class.
If you are looking to build adult friendships, you might just have to be more willing to adapt and put in more effort.
Psychologist Linda Baggett highlights that social interactions in our younger years are facilitated by structured environments such as school or early job roles.
As we age, opportunities to meet new people become increasingly scarce.
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Here are five expert tips to keep in mind if you are looking to build new friendships:
- Check your assumptions
How you perceive yourself and others can significantly influence your interactions.
If you assume that people think you’re boring, you may interpret someone not laughing at a joke you made as confirmation of that.
By checking your internal narrative and keeping an open mind when approaching these social situations, you can avoid distracting yourself from making an emotional connection.
Be mindful, present and observant.
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- Don’t underestimate small talk
You don’t have to talk about the weather, and small talk can seem unbearable.
However, it plays a crucial role in laying the foundations for and building a friendship.
Psychologist Albert Bonfil say, “Relationships don’t start off deep and profound. They start off very superficial.”
Through small talk, you learn someone’s interests, personality and much more.
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- Practice real listening
This is a skill everyone can learn at any time in their life.
Instead of focusing on what you want to say next, how you relate or sharing a similar story, approach the conversation with genuine curiosity.
When we become occupied with our own thoughts, we miss cues.
Ask follow-up questions about what the person just shared.
This will make them feel seen and heard.
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- Share in moderation
Vulnerability is key to building trust, but balance is also crucial.
Oversharing can overwhelm, and not sharing enough can make you seem closed off.
Both parties need to be vulnerable to deepen a friendship, but you don't want someone else to dump all their problems on you immediately.
Share pieces gradually and see how the person responds. That will provide you with the information as to whether you should continue sharing or not.
If you find yourself dominating conversations, take a step back.
Be conscious of asking your friend about their experiences and giving them space to share their story.
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- Switch up how you socialise
Everyone is different. Not everyone is receptive to or enjoys sarcasm and banter.
This doesn’t mean you need to change who you are, or that the friendship isn’t compatible.
It allows you to expand your toolkit.
Adjusting how you interact with others makes you more adaptable and opens you up to connecting with a diverse group of people with different personalities and communication styles.
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Image: iStock/Jacob Wackerhausen