10 ways small talk can help you build new relationships
Small talk often gets a bad rap because it feels shallow or awkward.
Small talk doesn't always have to be shallow or irritating. Since COVID-19, many of us have struggled to connect with people on a social level because we got so used to being isolated.
Sometimes, all we need to do is learn to make meaningful small talk to break the ice; think of it as the opening riff to your favourite song on Jacaranda FM.
It isn’t about the topic; it’s about chemistry and building a connection.
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Whether you’re at a coffee shop in Centurion, a networking event in Menlyn, pitching an idea to a potential client, or just waiting in line at your favourite fishing shop in Garsfontein, being genuinely present makes you instantly likeable.
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It's all about psychology and being brave enough to take the first step.
After all, what's the worst that can happen? The person walks away or pretends to be busy - no harm done - as long as you mentally prepare yourself for both possible outcomes, good or bad. So, how can you put yourself out there and become better prepared to make new connections?
Here are 10 ways small talk can help you build new relationships:
Let your body do the talking (see body language video below):
A relaxed posture, soft smile, and eye contact go far beyond any clever opener. Your nonverbal cues speak volumes.
Ask open-ended questions and mean it:
Swap “Do you like your job?” for “What’s your favourite part of what you do?” Only ask if you genuinely want to know.
Authentic curiosity is magnetic. Start with neutral ground: the coffee, the playlist, the setting. “These name tags never stick, do they?” builds a connection without prying.
Mentioning something they shared earlier, like, “By the way, good luck on that interview”, shows you're paying attention and care.
Be the first to open up (just a smidge):
Toss in a little self‑poke. “I always mess up networking intros”, and you're sending, “I trust you.” That invites real connection.
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Use the "third thing":
Start with neutral ground: the coffee, the playlist, the setting. “These name tags never stick, do they?” builds a connection without prying.
Loop back to what they said:
Mentioning something they shared earlier, like: “By the way, good luck on that interview,” shows you're paying attention and care.
Mirror their energy—but subtly:
Match their vibe, not their every move. Quiet and thoughtful? Tone it down. Cheerful and lively? Lean into that energy.
Embrace the hush:
A little pause isn’t a mistake, it’s natural. Give the conversation and your thoughts a second to breathe.
Use their name (sparingly!):
“Great point, Emily”, lands warmly, but don’t overdo it. One or two mentions are plenty.
Have a few go‑to anecdotes:
A funny travel hiccup or a quirky fact can bridge lulls, keep it short, personal, and endearing.
Exit with intention:
“Loved chatting, hope we cross paths again” leaves a warm, confident lasting impression.
We don’t need to be the most charming person in the room, we just need to show up, listen, and be real.
That’s the true art of small talk.
Now go out there and tell your crush how you feel, get that dream client you've always wanted, or just make some new friends and make new memories.
Watch the TEDxLondon Talk by Vanessa Van Edwards, 'You are contagious':
Watch former FBI agent explain how to read body language:
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