Breaking the cycle: Why survivors return to abusers
Updated | By Anastasi Mokgobu
As South Africa observes the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children, spouses are often encouraged to leave toxic relationships.

But for many survivors, leaving is just the beginning of a complex cycle, with many returning to their abusers due to emotional, financial, and societal pressures.
According to a study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline and associated organisations, approximately 60% to 70% of victims leave their abusive partners, only to subsequently return.
Melodie van Brakel, from Cradle of Hope, said that abusers often use manipulation tactics to maintain control over their victims.
"It's a very complex situation. So victims may return due to many factors, which could include emotional bonds, financial dependence, or fear of further violence.
“The abusers manipulate and control, and they create a sense of helplessness in the victim. And in South Africa, the cycle of abuse is so deeply entrenched, and it's very often influenced by complex emotional, financial, and religious, cultural, and societal factors.
“Victims may return to their abusers due to a strong emotional attachment. The bonds can be strengthened by a shared history, shared trauma, feeling love, and then, the one that everybody hopes for, this guy will change. He will change," explained Van Brakel.
Van Brakel further points to cultural and religious norms which frequently pressure victims to stay in abusive marriages, while family expectations and stigma against divorce add to the challenges.
"The abusers also have a variety of manipulative tactics, and what they do is they isolate the victims from friends and family members. So the victim loses all the support systems, and they are constantly belittled and their self-worth is undermined.
“This creates an environment of fear, confusion, and uncertainty.
“At other times, these victims come to believe that they are just incapable of surviving on their own or, sadly, that they even deserve the abuse because they did not cook enough food or clean the house.
“It's so sad. And the abuser makes the victim believe that they are nothing on their own," said Van Brakel.
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