#MenAreTrash: Let's get some perspective

The past few weeks have triggered such heightened, raw, emotion- rightfully so. The reporting on women going missing, being raped, being murdered dominating headlines, the country talking. 

One of the disturbing factors highlighted - women dying at the hands of those they know and love. 

But gender-based violence is nothing new in our country. In fact, the statistics are well documented in various studies. Each year, we have 16 days dedicated to the fight, and creating awareness of, women and child abuse because there's a recognition and realisation from all quarters that this is something that we haven't addressed adequately, we haven't even scratched the surface in trying to deal with it. 

The country reacted in horror and disbelief at the news of Karabo Mokoena's death. Burned and dumped, allegedly at the hands of her boyfriend. But as a country we've reached a very dangerous point - one at which these kinds of stories of horror have become part of what we consume as news, on a regular basis. This is our new normal. Our horrific abnormal. 

Statistics South Africa recently revealed 1 in 5 women in our country are victims of abuse. The Statistician General commented on the numbers and said the following: ''The statistics keep pointing out that women in this country are valued less. Our reports keep showing that nothing is changing when it comes to gender-based violence."

Then came the hashtag - #MenAreTrash. Soliciting varied comments - feminists lambasting men and blaming them for endemic crime against women and children. As a counter-reaction to the provocative hashtag, particularly from the men accosted by the accusation that they're trash, the response was a lacklustre #NotAllMen are trash -instead of critically engaging what was being probed regarding gender inequality and the positionality of power that comes with maleness.

The truth is the fight for equality in our country and the world at large is far from over. #MenAreTrash highlights that there is a gender based hierarchal structure in our world that we need to consistently problematize. Not just as an event. But each and every day.  

The lives of women in this country speak volumes. The lives of black women speak even louder. The lives of black, gay women scream out. 

The hashtag is not one to be interpreted on a surface level. When the message is out there that #MenAreTrash - it doesn't necessarily mean just men who abuse and kill women and children are trash. The trashy men the hashtag applies to include men who cat-call women;  men who are complicit when it comes to injustices against women in the workplace; men who stand by listening to stories of woe, the female lived experience, but still do nothing - because its not my problem, it wasn't me. I did nothing. 

The arguments put forward aim to highlight that maleness comes with a number of privileges that women don't have. It takes the debate about maleness much further than the decades old discussions we've been having. It gives credence to the fact that as women, we understand that the world is not built for us. That unlike men, we need to consistently push, break down barriers and create our own realities. Because we are not automatically recognised. We've come a long way, but the struggle is tiring. When will men, not just in South Africa understand, that our lives matter?