Coping with pregnancy loss: Chrissy Teigen shares her heartbreaking story

Coping with pregnancy loss: Chrissy Teigen shares her heartbreaking story

Chrissy penned a lengthy essay about the loss of her unborn son, Jack. She also reveals why she asked her husband to take photos of their final moments together. 

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend
Chrissy Teigen and her husband John Legend/ Instagram

"I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece."

Chrissy Teigen has revealed some intimate details about the day she suffered a miscarriage. She was just 20-weeks pregnant at the time. 

"I was previously on bed rest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a 'safer' zone for the fetus," she wrote in the essay shared on Medium

She revealed that doctors had diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption.

"I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption.

"We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in."

ALSO READ: 5 tips to help you deal with a miscarriage

Chrissy added that she then had a "pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound". 

"My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly," she wrote. 

The doctor told her after a few nights in the hospital that she would have to say goodbye to Jack.

"He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."

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I didn’t know how to come back to real life so I wrote this piece for Medium with hopes that I can somehow move on but as soon as I posted it, tears flew out because it felt I don’t want to ever not remember jack. . . Thank you to everyone who has been so kind. Thank you to the incredible doctors who tried so hard to make our third life a reality. Thank you to my friends and family and our entire household for taking care of me through all the adult diaper changes, bed rest and random hugs. Thank you John for being my best friend and love of my life. A lot of people think of the woman in times like this but I will never forget that john also suffered through these past months, while doing everything he could to take care of me. I am surrounded, in a human therapy blanket of love. I am grateful and healing and feel so incredibly lucky to witness such love.

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She also explained why she asked John and her mother to take the images of her final day with Jack. The 34-year-old shared the images on her Instagram page earlier this month. 

"He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story." 

Some people questioned her decision to share the images publicly, but Chrissy said she couldn't be less bothered with what they have to say.

She hoped her story would help the many women who are going through a similar ordeal. 

"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it's something you wouldn't have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren't for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."

ALSO READ: John Legend honors wife Chrissy Teigen with Billboard Music Awards performance

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We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.

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